It didn’t really occur to me just how obsessed with are, as a society, with the idea of love, being loved and being in love. Earlier this year, I became single for the first time in two and a half years, and suddenly, I felt my worth being diminished by 79% (a very accurate and scientific guestimation). I wasn’t part of a couple anymore, so I was less valuable, less desirable, and less interesting.
Yesterday, while scrolling through Instagram, I saw a photo of you, and my heart stopped.
It was a group picture and you were lingering in the back, slightly out of focus, but my eyes were immediately drawn to you. Like always.
Almost five years ago to the day, we met and you got me in a tailspin. I’ve never been the same.
I woke up two hours before my alarm. It happens sometimes, usually when I’ve had too much caffeine the day before, and my body can’t fully relax. Lately though, I’ve been waking up earlier due to a sinking feeling in my chest. An emotional anchor, a grieving.
I put the feelings to one side and began my morning routine of social media hopping. Logging on to Instagram, Twitter and Facebook – in that order – to catch up on the world’s events while I’ve been asleep. I only ever spend the briefest amount of time on Facebook where possible, as it has become overrun by memes and clickbait videos I’m not interested in. But that morning, I came across a video that compelled me to stay.
The friend that shines is a magical one to have.
They are the one that sparks joy immediately once they appear, greeting everyone in the room like they are the only person in there.
I stepped off the stage, forehead sweating and heart racing from the adrenaline. I felt claps on my back and muffled voices that sounded like congratulations, but it all felt distant. I did it, and I felt proud. Everyone congregated in the downstairs bar for well-earned post show drinks. All evening people had come up to me, congratulating me on a job well done.