A little disclaimer: between you and me, I’m not going on these dates and posting about them in ‘real time’, ie. soon after they happen. Because I scheduled my first few days so close together, and I’m posting on a weekly(ish!) schedule, it means that these dates happened weeks before I actually write about them
Why are you telling me this, Ella? I hear you ask. Well. As hard as I try to make notes about my dates soon after I go on them, sometimes I forget, so my memory becomes hazy. That’s why I rely heavily conversations that occur with my dates in-app (or WhatsApp and iMessage etc.) to jog my memory at certain points.
Now, because I’m such a heavy procrastinator, I left it kinda late to revisit my messages with this date. And when I did… I found that he either 1) unmatched me or 2) deleted his account. In any case, I don’t have access to our messages anymore, which is why this post may feel vague at times, since I’m relying purely on my goldfish memory – I hope you guys understand and still enjoy this post regardless!
On his Hinge profile, G said ‘recommend me a good book you’ve read recently’. I gave him two options:
“Non-fiction – Descent of Man by Grayson Perry, fiction – Normal People by Sally Rooney.”
It got the conversation going. He asked me what I was planning on reading next, and I told him that I was trying to make my way through the 700 pages that makes up A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara.
“Are you enjoying it?” G asked, “Although enjoying it isn’t really the right word – I found it hard going.”
“Lots to look forward then!” I joked, although I’ve already heard many times about how tough A Little Life is, especially in its second half.
We chatted more about books and films – it said he was a screenwriter in his profile – before G asked me if I’d like to go for a drink. We agreed to meet at a bar near Waterloo, which was convenient for me as it meant that I could easily pop on a train home at the end of the night.
If you remember from the previous post, I had arranged my date with F the same day as my date with G. Coming off my date with F, I was worried that I wouldn’t be in the mood to go on another date. But, I was feeling good, if not a bit confused at the way things had been left with F. However, I was determined to change the course of the night.
It had begun to rain when I made my way over, and as I approached the bar, G was standing outside with an umbrella in hand. We hugged hello and made our way inside.
G was a great guy with whom I had lots in common with. Our conversations about film continued, as we engaged in a really interesting discussion about the state of Hollywood at the moment, and whether we can (or should) separate art from the artist. Whenever drinks ran low, G didn’t hesitate to go and order us new ones, and waved me away whenever I insisted buying a round.
We spoke more about books, and then the conversation evolved into weddings and watching friends get married, and even getting to the age where we even know people getting divorced. Even though we didn’t run out of things to talk about, I couldn’t quite sense a romantic spark. Other than buying our drinks, I didn’t get any sense from G that he was attracted to me, even when i tried instigating some flirty banter.
Now, of course, I know not everyone is likes to be forward, and some would prefer to take things slow and get to know someone first, but this whole meeting was feeling more like a friends things, than a date thing.
After a couple of hours, we decided to call it a night. On our way out of the bar, he commented on how the headband I was wearing matched my handbag (they were both pink/magenta) – a detail that was completely accidental, but thought that it was cool of him to notice and point out. It was still raining outside, and G very chivalrously offered his umbrella to me, even though I told him I had one in my bag that I didn’t mind getting out. He walked me to the station and politely hugged me goodbye before heading off to his tube.
The next morning, I received a message from him: “Hey, it was great to meet you last night. I think you’ll probably agree that the chemistry wasn’t right date-wise, but I think you’re a great person. Good luck with writing your book.”
I respected this a lot. I feel like with most people, and include myself in this, would probably have left a date where they felt like there was no chemistry and left it at that, not following it up. I respected that G took the time to message me – it was a nice gesture to get in touch and wish me well. Just because there wasn’t a spark, doesn’t mean we just need to ghost each other.
I think we can all learn from G, and I’ll definitely be adapting my dating practises going forward.
The soundtrack for this date in an apt one for our conversation and for a guy working in the film industry: Like Dylan in the Movies by Belle & Sebastian.