So, it’s been a while.
One thing that I find super annoying is when bloggers, youtubers or general internetpersons haven’t posted on their chosen medium for a while, and then when they do, take up a hot minute to explain why they have been absent for so long. “Omigod, you guys, I have just been soooo busy!”
Well, I’mma do the thing I hate, but with a twist.
I’d be lying if I said that I was soooo busy. I mean, I kinda have been. This weekend just gone was the first in about a month where I have been at home, doing my own thing, as it seems like there’s always something going on. Workshops. Events. Birthdays. Paris (my mother lives there, and I went to see her over Easter for the first time in about 11 months, it was fab).
And then, of course, there’s been work. Five days a week, I spend 12 hours away from home, commuting to and from London, making positive steps towards My Career. Honestly, it’s kinda hard. I’m not complaining, I know that to get to where you want to in life, you have to put in a little elbow grease. And believe me, are my elbows greasin’.
It does mean that some things have to go on the back burner though, like this here old blog. The problem? I don’t want it to. I don’t want to give up the thing that makes me happy. When I was working a crappy job that didn’t fulfill me in any way, this blog is what kept me sane and reminded of where I eventually want to be. But let me tell you, after a 12 hour day, putting 110% into your job, then having to put up with the actual hell on earth that is Clapham Junction, all you really want to do when you get in is make a cuppa, shove whatever’s in your cupboard into your gob, stick on some Netflix and be done for the day. As much as I’ve wanted to write, I simply did not have the brain capacity to do it at times, especially on weeknights.
The thing with writing, and not posting for a while, is that the longer you leave it, the harder it is to get back in the game. I can’t explain to you how many times in the past week or so I’ve sat down at my laptop, ready to write, and I just… couldn’t. The Fear kept building up and I kept getting that feeling that I needed to produce something amazing RIGHT AWAY to make up for my absence. That’s a lot of pressure to put on oneself.
And I don’t know, man. On the one hand, I don’t want to overdo it, to spread myself too thin, but I also feel bad for neglecting the thing I love so much. The thing that’s bourne so many friendships and given me purpose when I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. But I when I do get round to posting stuff, I want it to be good and worthwhile. So, forgive me if I want to make something good for your eyeballs, so that you feel like you haven’t wasted your time here, in my corner of the Internet, where I am so so grateful to receive your presence.
I guess this post is a bit of filler, to break the ice and also to remind myself that not everything I post on here needs to be goldust. But also to let you know, things are coming. The great thing about Bank Holiday Weekends is that you have three whole days to recoup, and still get shit done. So that’s what I’m doing. I’ve had my time to be lazy and catch up on sleep, and I can guarantee you that once this post has gone up, I will be up, freshly showered and typing away at my keyboard, working on putting my words out there into the world.
Oh yeah, this post is also a way to make me accountable for everything I’ve said just now, so feel free to tweet me, message me, send a carrier pigeon etc, to make sure I’ve held on to my words.
I’ll see you all REAL SOON, my loves. x